Policy for both Birthparents and Adoptive Parents to Read
(Birthparents)
B)
Birthparents:
There are times when birthparents may not, in the first instance, disclose to adoptive parents sensitive matters which may have bearing on the adoptive parents ultimate decision whether or not to accept placement of a child.
A birthmother or father may feel self-conscious about her/his alcohol/drug history. She may fear being judged if she were to disclose that she'd had multiple sexual partners (a question that could have bearing on assessing risk of sexually transmitted diseases possibly affecting a child). A birthparent with a history of mental health problems, cancer, HIV+, multiple sclerosis or other serious disease may not mention this in the initial conversation. There may be other potentially sensitive matters not envisioned in this moment. The Agency reserves the right, in its clinical judgment to specify what may reasonably be considered sensitive matters requiring application of this policy.
Please know that this Agency is inclusive and celebrative of all its clients. We are committed to realizing the dreams of serving families for those of varied personal backgrounds, religions, sexual orientations, health and mental health histories etc. However, the agency does not see itself as the "holder" of information which is potentially "material" to either birth or adoptive parents' decision making process. We encourage honesty and pride.
This policy is not meant as a statement that the "sensitive matters" are somehow negative attributes - they are simply factors which are, perhaps by reason of their "invisibility", often the subject of a mixture of feelings on the part of birth and adoptive parents. Many people may feel they want to be known as a full person before sharing sensitive information.
In most cases, this is likely due to the birth parents' wish not to be excluded for consideration by the adoptive family based upon stereotypes or, perhaps unfounded fears. He or she may wish to be known as a person before a potentially and unnecessarily limiting image of the birthparents' lives is assumed. If allowed to explain later, a birth parent who had a number of sexual partners can describe this in a setting where she would not be shamed for this. A birthparent who had a significant mental health history can, likewise, be known for the person they are - with many strengths. It there is a substantial alcohol or drug history, birthparents should always disclose this. There are many families open to a child who may develop learning or health difficulties as a result of
exposure during the pregnancy; do not withhold this information, which could be very significant to the family's responding to the child's needs, because you fear that the family you have chosen might refuse to accept the child. There is usually no difficulty finding a family open to your child who you also like.
The Agency's policy is consistent with our belief that full honesty on both birth and adoptive families parts is to be required and is in the child's and everyone's best interests. Secrecy and shame have long been features of adoptions; we hope to encourage honesty even if it means a particular adoption plan does not go forward due to feelings about the disclosed information. The Agency does not perceive itself as a "holder" of information in order to prevent possible reactions by clients; rather we facilitate the sharing of any and all pertinent information. We are available to support both birth and adoptive families' as they often have feelings about the disclosed information. We strive to create an environment where everyone feels, as much as possible, as though they are operating in an environment worthy of trust.
It is Full Circle Adoption's policy that, as a condition of working with the agency, birth parents shall disclose to the adoptive family any and all potentially relevant matters. The criteria is whether the law requires it (as in religion) or whether it can reasonably be construed that a adoptive parent could find this relevant and material to whether or not they make a placement plan with the family. The Agency does not weigh the factor or decide whether or not it should matter to the birthparents; e.g. we can not say, adoptive parents shouldn't care and therefore we won't tell them because they shouldn't reject the family on the basis of the sensitive information.
The question is could it reasonably matter to an adoptive parent. The threshold for required disclosure (by the birth family) is expected to be a low threshold. The very reason many birth families may feel uneasy sharing the sensitive information is that they fear that the adoptive parents might reject them on a basis that feels unfair, unreasonable or even angering. The simple fact is that, the adoptive parents are free to reject placement of a child (for good, bad or indifferent reason). Birthparents, also, who are making one of the most serious and personal decisions of their lives, are free to be discriminatory, narrow, ungenerous and even unreasonable in the criteria or weighing of the criteria they use to make their decision.
Therefore, clients of Full Circle Adoptions are aware and agree to abide by an ethic which includes providing full disclosure of any meaningful information to adoptive parents as soon as possible after the initial contact with interested adoptive parents. This disclosure shall take place as soon as possible and, by no means later than the point that a designation is made. You are encouraged to discuss with the Agency, in advance, the sensitive information and to discuss the best ways to share this information with the adoptive parent(s). Please know that the Agency will not cooperate with an adoption plan where it believes that either adoptive parents or birthparents are not receiving full
information which may be material to their decision making process.
The Agency also reserves the right to recommend that full disclosure be made in the first instance where the birthparents' due date is close and where there might not be deemed sufficient time to "work through" any concerns that may be raised by a later disclosure.
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We have read this policy, understand it and agree to abide by it. We have had an opportunity to discuss how this policy might relate to our particular case and agree to review this, as applied to our case, as our adoption process unfolds. We have raised any and all such concerns with the Agency prior to beginning work with the Agency. If any such sensitive matters, including any material changes of information since the initial contact with the agency, arise after completing our initial paperwork with the Agency, we understand we are under a continuing duty to disclose to the Agency and to the adoptive parents in accord with this policy.
Please know that we will stop work on an adoption case at any point in the process if we learn or reasonably believe that such pertinent information is being withheld from the Agency and/or the adoptive parents. We do not encourage prospective clients to work with Full Circle unless their plan is to be completely honest with the agency in an ongoing fashion.
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